8 Must-Have Children’s Books

If you’re a good parent (like yours truly), you encourage your child to read as much as possible.  Books teach such valuable lessons!  They shape our world views, strengthen our moral convictions and provide windows into the lives of others.

Below are eight children’s books that should be on every kid’s shelf.

Maggie Goes on a Diet

By Paul Kramer

Oh, Maggie… If only you were the girl in the mirror!  Her life is perfect.  She’s just like you—but weigh better!  (See what I did there?)  The earlier kids learn they’re judged not by the content of their character, but by the size of their skinny jeans, the better.

All My Friends are Dead

By Avery Monsen and Jory John

In My Day, we read books about choo-choo trains and fairies.  Totally pointless!  Luckily, modern society has veered away from encouraging hope in children. This book spares kids the hassle of emotionally investing in anyone.  (They’re just gonna die on you.)

Monsters Eat Whiny Children

By Bruce Kaplan

The book, helpfully recommended for ages 4 and up, reminds children that while their parents love them MOST of the time, they’re always mere moments away from being boiled in a pot.  Soup’s on!

Joined at Birth: Conjoined Twins

By Elaine Landau

Life Lesson #1: Never trust anyone with more heads than you.

I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much

By Judith Vigna

It’s never too early to hear things like “Get Daddy a beer (BURP!) a BEER—from’a fridge” or “I’m seeing fuzzy spiders” or “your mother’s a SPANISH WHORE.”

**There are rumors of a sequel: “I Wish Daddy Drank More and Died (Like All My Friends).”

Hair in Funny Places

by Babette Cole

If your child’s some freakish fur ball, it’s better they hear it from you.  (Kids can be so cruel.)  And on the plus side, Wolfman, Jr. is ready-made for Halloween.

Where Willy Went

by Nicholas Allan

Now here’s a book his father and I could’ve used eight years ago!  Just kidding.

OK, not really.

The Muffin Muncher

by

It’s about muffins.  Really.

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