5 Reasons All Children Should Drink (and As Soon As Possible)
America has a MAJOR problem. Our children don’t drink. Consequently, they grow up fascinated by the mystique of alcohol and, at first opportunity, go out and act like jackasses on spring break, playing strip Jenga whilst licking cheap tequila off Mexican hookers. Do you want your son or daughter playing strip Jenga whilst licking cheap [...]
6 Reasons Child Labor is the Only Labor worth Having
People always talk about 6-year-olds working in coal mines like that was a bad thing. But those tunnels were narrow; a grown-up would have gotten stuck. That’s called problem-solving, y’all. Did these bleeding-heart “children’s advocates” want everyone to be cold? Didn’t they see Jim Carrey’s “A Christmas Carol”? Shit got chilly back then. Coal was [...]
10 Ways to Punish Your Kids (Without Leaving Bruises)
Punishment is a tricky subject to discuss with most parents. While some think a belt’s secondary purpose is to keep pants up, others feel that mere sarcasm warrants a CPS visit (those people, of course, are morons). How can one discipline their child without inviting a visit from the Bleeding Heart Gestapo? Below are 10 [...]
7 Must-Dos When Preparing Your Kid for Kindergarten
Starting elementary school is an alarming, unrelenting descent into hell for many kids. They go from the loving cocoon of parental affection to a place where breaking a crayon could get a bitch cut (probably with safety scissors, but still…) Your kid will be bulletproof at school, however, if he’s seen, heard and experienced it [...]
Applebee’s Screws Up, Toddler Gets Drunk
Last week, Taylor Dill-Reese and her Detroit-area family went out to dinner at Applebee’s just like any other unsuspecting suburban family would on a Friday night. However, she got an unexpected surprise after ordering a drink for her one-year-old son, Dominick…
Parenting Fail: Little Boy Left at Little Caesars
There’s bad parenting, the funny kind and then there’s bad parenting that makes you want to weep. Imagine being left at your own birthday party at Little Cesears. Sure, the Crazy Bread is darn delicious. But that Little Caesars guy looks like he would eat a child. And it’s no Chuckie Cheese. One couple managed [...]
Parent Fail: Couple Gives Kids Tattoos
Mommy, I want a tattoo of Dora the Explorer We get the appeal of ink. Really…. when you’re nineteen and want to make one last statement of rebellion there’s no better way to do that than by getting a tramp stamp. And the first sign of a young mom is a tattoo of her kids’ [...]
Parenting Fail: That’s Not a Kid-Friendly Doll
A picture is worth a thousand words and it’s even nicer when the words you’re looking for to describe it are photoshopped right in for you. EBaum’s World posted this beauty of a parent fail. At least the kid isn’t old enough to know what he’s um, handling.
Parenting Fail of the Week: What Is This Costume Even Supposed To Be (Other Than Skanky)?
Congratulations Mrs. and Mr. Cyrus. You have succeeded in parenting not one, but two of the nation’s sluttiest celebrity children. Sure, ol’ Miley left some grandiose slut-tastic shoes to fill, but nine-year-old Noah Cyrus can now claim title of Most Promiscuously Dressed Quasi-Famous Child Star At A Public Event. This little number was introduced at [...]
Parenting Fail of the Week: Beer Bong Boy
Ah, beach-going: the waves, the sand, the bikini-clad bombshells, the guys with washboard abs, the little kids doing beer bong hits. Yes, you heard me right. But you know what, this is just a natural progression for young moms and dads who never kicked their college drinking habits. Don’t judge them. They’re keeping their son [...]