5 Reasons All Children Should Drink (and As Soon As Possible)
America has a MAJOR problem. Our children don’t drink. Consequently, they grow up fascinated by the mystique of alcohol and, at first opportunity, go out and act like jackasses on spring break, playing strip Jenga whilst licking cheap tequila off Mexican hookers. Do you want your son or daughter playing strip Jenga whilst licking cheap [...]
6 Reasons Child Labor is the Only Labor worth Having
People always talk about 6-year-olds working in coal mines like that was a bad thing. But those tunnels were narrow; a grown-up would have gotten stuck. That’s called problem-solving, y’all. Did these bleeding-heart “children’s advocates” want everyone to be cold? Didn’t they see Jim Carrey’s “A Christmas Carol”? Shit got chilly back then. Coal was [...]
10 Ways to Punish Your Kids (Without Leaving Bruises)
Punishment is a tricky subject to discuss with most parents. While some think a belt’s secondary purpose is to keep pants up, others feel that mere sarcasm warrants a CPS visit (those people, of course, are morons). How can one discipline their child without inviting a visit from the Bleeding Heart Gestapo? Below are 10 [...]
7 Must-Dos When Preparing Your Kid for Kindergarten
Starting elementary school is an alarming, unrelenting descent into hell for many kids. They go from the loving cocoon of parental affection to a place where breaking a crayon could get a bitch cut (probably with safety scissors, but still…) Your kid will be bulletproof at school, however, if he’s seen, heard and experienced it [...]
Blasphemy!
So, what do you do when you, a lifelong Red Sox fan, find your son’s Yankees cap? Or when you, a die-hard Packers fan, find your daughter’s Vikings jersey?
Help! My Son Has Bieber Fever!
Bieber fever: a condition that causes young people to obsess over the tween sensation, listen to his music at almost every chance they get, and lose focus on everything else. It can range from being a phase to a very serious condition.