What Cereal Choice Says About Your Parenting Style

A recent report says the worst cereals for kids are the ones most heavily marketed. That’s just more nonsense from the parent puss club. Seriously, what does ‘worst’ really mean? These cereals give kids enough energy to dash to the bus stop, but are scientifically formulated to help crash their energy when they’re in the classroom. Plus, you eat cereal with milk – which has vitamins and is healthy. Try arguing with that, Whole Foods Mommies!

Kids need to make choices for themselves. When it comes to cereal, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t grade each one based on who has the best animated commercial. Booberry? Fruity pebbles? Raisin Bran?

Cereal is the great American meal, and the cereal you start your children’s day with says a great deal about your parenting style.

Special K Means You’re Special in the Head

Do you enjoy picking fights with your kids? Because that’s what every morning will be like after you serve up this soggy mess of “healthy” garbage. Special K cereal means that you’re a control freak, and you’ll jam vitamins and nutrients down your kid’s throat, at any cost. Remember, if your kids actually consume this stuff, they’ll be super regular, which means they’ll be crapping all the time. Don’t be a health food pushover, and maybe your kids will like you in the morning.

Froot Loops Make Your Kids Loopy

Gotta love that frooty goodness. Froot Loops are for the parent with good intentions but wavering stamina. You can call these tasty treats a great building block for healthy eating by showing the importance of color coordination with fruit. As kids learn cherry Froot Loop are red, it helps them recognize other cherry foods like jolly ranchers or actual cherries. Never mind that Froot Loops are 45% sugar, the other 65% is full of learning possibilities.

Cinnamon Toasters and You’ll be Toast

With this cereal, you know what your kids like, but you’re too damn cheap to get the real thing. They know from the sleepover at Johnny’s that there’s a difference between Cinnamon Toast Crunch and this Malt-O-Meal generic abortion of a cereal. Remember parents, Cinnamon Toast Crunch has cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite, and your kids will blame you for life for not paying the extra two bucks and stepping up to the real stuff.

Oreo O’s Keep Your Kids oh so Happy

When you purchase Oreo O’s, the grocery store clerk might ask you “What the hell kind of mother are you?” Tell that clerk that you’re a freakin’ awesome mother. Every morning, your kids finish every bite of breakfast and head to school full of energy. Kids love you because you give them what they want and you don’t let the risk of onset childhood diabetes get in your way. You’re the cool mom.