Infantino Baby Slings Suck! A Recall Rant
Dear Infantino Baby Slings , You know babies – those delicate, tiny, just-out-of-the-womb creatures that do nothing but sleep, poop, and coo? Turns out they’re pretty delicate. So, you might want to – I don’t know – test your stupid baby slings a million and one times before distributing them to Target, Wal-Mart, and Burlington [...]
Parenting Fail: Little Boy Left at Little Caesars
There’s bad parenting, the funny kind and then there’s bad parenting that makes you want to weep. Imagine being left at your own birthday party at Little Cesears. Sure, the Crazy Bread is darn delicious. But that Little Caesars guy looks like he would eat a child. And it’s no Chuckie Cheese. One couple managed [...]
6 Bedwetting Cures You Shouldn’t Try
There is nothing worse than the tell-tale sound of pattering footsteps in the middle of the night, a tentative voice calling out, “Mom? Mooooom!” They pull on the sheets and try to climb up into bed with you, still soggy and bunchy and smelling like pee. Once again, Sampa Jr. has wet the bed. Cue [...]
What Happens if Your Child Swallows Your Wedding Ring?
We all know young infants feel the world with their mouth, and every now and then something they shouldn’t swallow gets in their tiny little belly. Based on research by the Parenting and Child Health website, this kind of thing happens all the time – and it’s normally not that big of a deal. Your [...]
V-Day: What Every Parent Should Know
V-Day might as well be D-Day. Forget about candle-lit dinners and string quartets with Mr Sampa… not that Mr Sampa ever tried to woo me by harp and cello. But you know what I mean. As soon as you have kids, your Valentine’s Day is gone. It’s all about them. Keeping the little ones popular with their classmates. Keeping the older ones out of major Valentine’s Day trouble.The Sampa Family has been through it all.
PowerWheels, More Safe than a Toyota?
Don’t deny it: at some point in your life you pictured yourself zipping along in a PowerWheels Barbie Corvette or jumping ramps in a pint-sized Hummer. We all wanted PowerWheels and only a few of us (think: the spoiled kid on the block) had them. And those kids wouldn’t let us ride shotgun anyway. With [...]
Do I Subconciously Hate My Child?
What kind of witticisms would a brilliant, funny, gorgeous woman like myself come up with? And so the Great Sampa Family Sleep Talking Experiment (GSFSTE) began.
Make Your Kid the Next Face of Childhood Obesity!
Pull out the red hair dye and pencil on some freckles because your daughter could be the next Little Debbie! She’s always said she wants to be associated with constipated tummy aches and early onset childhood diabetes for the rest of her life – right?
Make a Badass Lunch for Trading
Lunchroom trading lays the ground for every deal your kid is ever going to make. If you play your cards right, you will reap the benefits in the long run. Because whether their fortune is made in drugs deals or on the stock market, your kids won’t forget who got them in the game in [...]
Parent Fail: Couple Gives Kids Tattoos
Mommy, I want a tattoo of Dora the Explorer We get the appeal of ink. Really…. when you’re nineteen and want to make one last statement of rebellion there’s no better way to do that than by getting a tramp stamp. And the first sign of a young mom is a tattoo of her kids’ [...]