5 Surefire Ways to Choose Your Baby’s Sex

You’re a grown woman. You know what you want. And you know what you don’t want.

Wants: Martini glasses with swizzle stems. Lifetime supply of Jimmy Choo pumps. Flat abs. Baby boy.

Doesn’t want: Adult-onset acne. Vinyl siding on the house. Spinach in teeth. Baby girl.

Good thing there has been an eternity’s worth of baby-making to “back up” the following methods of predetermining your baby’s sex. Pick your favorite and start following the easy steps to surefire predetermined sex preference.

Eat Your Way to Y (as in XY)

Baby boys grow out of manly foods. Like rare meats and salty snacks. Girl babies find fresh fish and veggies and sweets much more to their taste.

Method Matters

Choosing the right position could be the difference between a life time of My Little Ponies and Transformers.

To achieve a boy, do it standing or man-from-behind. Lay down immediately post-coitus so the boy sperm has an easier time rocketing by the girl sperm to The Fated Egg. It’s best if you’re laying to the left of your man (trust me – the sperm can tell).

By all means avoid lady-on-top and regular old missionary. And avoid jumping jacks (or other strenuous, standing-up activity) after “culmination” or a girl you shall be gifted.

P.S. If the guy is the one who initiates the love-making (what’s new?) there’s a better chance you’ll get a boy.

Moon-Cycle Magic

Boys come from night-time lovin’ – so no more afternoon delights. Also, don’t be seduced by a romantic full moon. Boys are more likely as a result of a quarter-moon-on-an-odd-day tryst.

Keep the Boys Toasty

Boy sperm do better pre-warmed, so avoid sex in a cold shower or out in the snow. Also, they need their space. Boxers keep the boys swinging free and happy and ready to inseminate.

When in Doubt, Turn to the Experts

“Naturalists”
There are a slew of Natural Baby Gender Selection services out there that promise SIMPLE, SAFE, RELIABLE and ALL NATURAL ways to conceive the correctly sexed baby. These simple, safe, reliable and all natural methods include testing your vaginal environment on “special” or “crucial” days (which you find out when you pay them). If the environment is too acidic and lacking in alkaline, no boy for you. Achieving the perfect environment means dietary changes (you find out what to change when you pay) and douching with “special formulas” (which you attain when you pay). After you have a happily alkaline’d vagina, just have sex on your special days and POOF a baby boy is born.

Dr. Shettles
The Shettles Method was developed in the 60s when doctors thought that by a) timing intercourse to occur close to ovulation b) getting the sperm really far in there and c) making sure the lady has orgasmed, the boy sperm would in better position and in a more alkaline environment to fertilize, fertilize, fertilize.

Dr. Ericsson
Dr. Ericsson developed his method in the 70s when artificial insemmination was on the cutting edge. By separating sperm into fast (boy) sperm and slow (girl) sperm out of the body, and then re-inserting only the fast (boy) sperm, only boys will be conceived.

The Chinese
By matching the soon-to-be-mother’s age with the Chinese lunar calendar, you can determine what sex your baby will be! It’s centuries old! 99% accurate. 100% amazing!