Kid Haircuts – The Self-Induced Kind
I guess we can’t all raise little Edward Scissor Hands.
V-Day: What Every Parent Should Know
V-Day might as well be D-Day. Forget about candle-lit dinners and string quartets with Mr Sampa… not that Mr Sampa ever tried to woo me by harp and cello. But you know what I mean. As soon as you have kids, your Valentine’s Day is gone. It’s all about them. Keeping the little ones popular with their classmates. Keeping the older ones out of major Valentine’s Day trouble.The Sampa Family has been through it all.
Four Reasons momAgenda = Marvelous
I am hopelessly devoted to the momAgenda day planner. As a mom who repeatedly batters my day planners (drop in puddle, leave on stove…), I’ve recently turned my back on those clearance-bin discount day planners and finally found something that stands up to my constant abuse and random scribblings – witness the damage endured without [...]
Sampa Family Holiday Survival Guide
Oh god. It’s here. The holidays. An alcohol fueled slow burn of torment, backhanded compliments, the unbearable, the senile and guh, togetherness. In a world where you’d rather poke out your eyes with a knitting needle than go over to Aunt whatevers for the day, how do survive? Fear not, Sampa is here to help [...]
Baby, It’s Cold Outside = Worst Christmas Pageant Theme Ever
I was watching Elf the other day. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an awesome holiday family movie that doesn’t involve any R-rated controversy (well, not that I know of). But then there’s that part in the movie where Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell sing a duet of Baby, It’s Cold Outside. I’ve always thought the [...]
How to Get Your Own Family Reality TV Show
The perks in having a part in the reality television institution are unparalleled. The money is huge. The sponsors (a lifetime supply of diapers!) are a given. Your name will be forever attached to a quirky, alliterated catch-phrase. In a pinch, your new publicist can watch the kids. And say goodbye to home videos, because [...]
How to Avoid an H1N1 Holiday Season
This just in: Santa has Swine Flu. Is this really a surprise? He’s at least 70 years old, germ-ridden kids sit on his lap all day long, and he lives in -40 temperatures. If anyone needs an H1N1 vaccine, it’s Santa. And you. Yes you. If you don’t want to spend the holiday season curled [...]
A Mother’s Guide to Surviving the Fall Sports Season
It’s cold, it’s long and it’s boring. Watching kids runs around a field in the rain, gray, cold has to be one of the most painful experiences of parenthood both physically and mentally. Physically sitting on those hard benches, both cold, hard metal and wood, feeling your core body temperature dip from being outside, and [...]
The Soccer Mom’s Guide to Fighting like a Hockey Mom
Ah soccer moms, the gentle moms of the sporting moms world. Clad in velour or terry cloth jogging suits a visor or hat, manicures and sensible shoes, they dot the sidelines of any soccer game, having arrived in an SUV of course. But what happens when things get ugly on the sidelines? Nevermind what is [...]
Caught in the Act? 6 Things Never to Say
The candles are lit. The satin sheets are out. Ok, scratch that. You’re a parent. The candles burned out when the baby popped out. You have 15 minutes to get busy. And then, Little Johnny (bless his heart) bursts through the door during an exceptionally primal scene. Johnny screams like he’s been shot. You both [...]