How to Make Your Kid a Serial Killer in 3 Easy Steps
Some parents dream of their child being president. Others imagine their kid’s professional baseball career or tenure as a NASA scientist. Me? I dream my son – my beautiful, bright-eyed boy – will become a serial killer. Now, not everyone’s cut out to be a homicidal maniac. Like any other skill, it requires inclination, aptitude [...]
Laughing Babies Cute…or Evil?
You may think this is nonsense, but we here at Sampa have found indisputable proof that babies, especially the cute ones that you want to take home with you, are evil demons slowly taking over our souls.
Adult Chocolate Milk Puts the “Fun” Back Into “Functional Alcoholic”
Often times I find parenting advice to be very narrow-minded. It’s either something like “how to get them to eat their vegetables,” or “the best way to discipline your kids.” There’s never any advice on how to cut loose and act irresponsibly while simultaneously maintaining a unified front as a parent in control. It’s time [...]
Keeping your Kid Behaved: Alternatives to Child Leashes
In a society where parenting advice doesn’t permit the use of the word “no” with kids, child leashes seem like a pretty sweet way to wrangle a kid.
Parents get away with this practice by writing it off as protection from tripping over shoelaces, speeding cars, gum stuck to the sidewalk, and other nasty stuff. It’s OCD in a ripe form, but it certainly does the trick.
However tempting it may be to simply leash and contain, harnessing your child is like using table salt: it’s the most over-used and boring solution. It’s time to get creative and check out the rest of the spice cabinet.
The Un-Fun Parent – Sampa Book Review
First Impression The Un-Fun Parent. At first, the title seems a bit off putting. Will it at least be a fun read? If I were a parent, becoming “un-fun” would seem like the worst way to keep your kids safe AND happy. They’re mutually exclusive – you can’t have your cake and eat it too! [...]
5 Surefire Ways to Choose Your Baby’s Sex
You’re a grown woman. You know what you want. And you know what you don’t want. Wants: Martini glasses with swizzle stems. Lifetime supply of Jimmy Choo pumps. Flat abs. Baby boy. Doesn’t want: Adult-onset acne. Vinyl siding on the house. Spinach in teeth. Baby girl. Good thing there has been an eternity’s worth of [...]
Have You Been Naughty this Mother’s Day?
Flowers and chocolates for Mother’s Day? Perhaps a nice psalm on a card with water-colored lilies and a parasol?
Not for this mom.
6 Bedwetting Cures You Shouldn’t Try
There is nothing worse than the tell-tale sound of pattering footsteps in the middle of the night, a tentative voice calling out, “Mom? Mooooom!” They pull on the sheets and try to climb up into bed with you, still soggy and bunchy and smelling like pee. Once again, Sampa Jr. has wet the bed. Cue [...]
V-Day: What Every Parent Should Know
V-Day might as well be D-Day. Forget about candle-lit dinners and string quartets with Mr Sampa… not that Mr Sampa ever tried to woo me by harp and cello. But you know what I mean. As soon as you have kids, your Valentine’s Day is gone. It’s all about them. Keeping the little ones popular with their classmates. Keeping the older ones out of major Valentine’s Day trouble.The Sampa Family has been through it all.
Do I Subconciously Hate My Child?
What kind of witticisms would a brilliant, funny, gorgeous woman like myself come up with? And so the Great Sampa Family Sleep Talking Experiment (GSFSTE) began.