7 Must-Dos When Preparing Your Kid for Kindergarten
Starting elementary school is an alarming, unrelenting descent into hell for many kids. They go from the loving cocoon of parental affection to a place where breaking a crayon could get a bitch cut (probably with safety scissors, but still…) Your kid will be bulletproof at school, however, if he’s seen, heard and experienced it [...]
How to Make Your Kid a Serial Killer in 3 Easy Steps
Some parents dream of their child being president. Others imagine their kid’s professional baseball career or tenure as a NASA scientist. Me? I dream my son – my beautiful, bright-eyed boy – will become a serial killer. Now, not everyone’s cut out to be a homicidal maniac. Like any other skill, it requires inclination, aptitude [...]
“Friday” Turns Teeny-Bopper Dreams into a National Joke
I have just experienced the most mind-numbingly painful moments of my life. No, I did not experience some odd medical phenomena that turned me into a human vegetable. But I did just listen to music that had the same affect. I was on the verge of jamming a pencil into my eardrums to stop such horrid sounds from being able to penetrate my mind when it at last, the terrible noises ended.
Laughing Babies Cute…or Evil?
You may think this is nonsense, but we here at Sampa have found indisputable proof that babies, especially the cute ones that you want to take home with you, are evil demons slowly taking over our souls.
Taco Bell + Doritos = Best/Worst Taco Ever
The creators of the fourth meal just made your drunken teenage fantasy come alive. Taco Bell and Doritos have combined forces to create the first nacho cheese taco shell made entirely from Doritos chips.
Applebee’s Screws Up, Toddler Gets Drunk
Last week, Taylor Dill-Reese and her Detroit-area family went out to dinner at Applebee’s just like any other unsuspecting suburban family would on a Friday night. However, she got an unexpected surprise after ordering a drink for her one-year-old son, Dominick…
Top 5 Teenage Sensation Failures
As awesome as it would be to have your kid become famous so you could exploit him or her for your booze budget, the kid’s livelihood is probably more important. The rise and fall of fame can take a huge toll on teenage sensations and some haven’t been so lucky.
Blasphemy!
So, what do you do when you, a lifelong Red Sox fan, find your son’s Yankees cap? Or when you, a die-hard Packers fan, find your daughter’s Vikings jersey?
Help! My Son Has Bieber Fever!
Bieber fever: a condition that causes young people to obsess over the tween sensation, listen to his music at almost every chance they get, and lose focus on everything else. It can range from being a phase to a very serious condition.
Top 5 Adult TV Shows That You Should Allow Your Kids to Watch
We’ve all seen those lists on websites managed by paranoid parents warning about TV shows that kids shouldn’t watch, like Teletubbies or Sesame Street, because it will poison their minds and turn them gay (or worse, liberal). Well, I’m here to share with you a list of TV shows meant for adults that you should allow, and even encourage, your kids to watch.